Happy New Year!

Hello 2012

The New year is a time for new outlooks and new beginnings.  I said goodbye to a lot of things in 2011.  I bid a farewell to my job of twelve years, to my daughter living at home, to destructive negative thinking and terribly toxic people.

Leaving my job was scary and difficult, but necessary.  The atmosphere had begun to make me physically ill.  I tried to block out the negativity, but it was just too overwhelming.  I was actually not on speaking terms with one coworker… I just couldn’t take the fake smiling and phony chatter any longer.  Her life is always in turmoil.  Her marriage, if you can call it that, is a mess, and her children are always dealing with some “situation” that she has to handle.    She has one daughter with a few kids and a couple of “baby daddies,” and LOTS of baby daddy problems.  She has another daughter with a host of issues including a son with a drug habit.  She has another daughter with some possible domestic violence issues and  a son with a food and drug addiction.  I would say all of that is enough to make someone miserable… and that she is.  I think a part of her problem is that she thinks all of these issues are caused by external factors.  She fails to realize how she enables, encourages and causes much of the chaos in her life and the lives of her children.  It’s sad to see someone so oblivious, especially at her age.  All of her anger and resentment made her impossible to work with.  She is so diseased with misery and projects her negativity onto others.  She is disrespectful and gets some kind of pleasure out of feeling like she has caused someone else discomfort or pain – she has actually bragged about this on many occasions.  She picks on people who she knows will not defend themselves, which is part of the reason she and I never got along… I never put up with her crap.  She developed some kind of weird obsession with me.  She became obsessed with how I performed my job, with my relationships with coworkers, with my life and with my daily whereabouts.  It was creepy to say the least.  I think my happy disposition and the way I connected with people drove her insane.  I thought about confronting her so many times… but in the end… she just wasn’t worth the time or effort.  She will never change, and her life is sad enough without me adding to it.

Since leaving my job I have noticed I don’t wake up with this knot in my stomach anymore.  We all have problems, I know I have my share… the thing is that I don’t let them affect my attitude and the way I treat people.  I am happy I can say that about myself.

After my daughter left for college, I made a commitment to myself to get on, and stay on, the path to healing and happiness.  That called for changing certain situations and letting some people in my life go.  The things and people that didn’t serve a purposeful purpose in my life are history.

It’s interesting how much of what we feel are the things that are holding us back, are the very things we are HOLDING on to.  They are things that are within our power to change… if we would just stop complaining and take action.

There were some wonderful things about 2011… I found my life partner (at the end of 2010), lessened my financial load and gained a sense of peace that I have been searching for for some time.

Although I said goodbye to a lot, I also said hello to something that I wish I didn’t have to… Rheumatoid Arthritis.  I was diagnosed last month and it has been a hard pill to swallow. I am taking a holistic approach to dealing with it and trying to stay positive despite the physical pain that plagues me daily.  I have been juicing for a week now and have found some relief that I think will increase with time.  If a lifetime of toxic crap is to blame… then a detoxification of mind, body and soul is the cure, right?  I hope so. <3

My wish for 2012 for myself and for anyone who reads this post is that the year is filled with joy, LOVE, happiness, peace, good health, success, lots of laughter, acceptance, healing, forgiveness and growth.  Happy New Year! xo

Vanessa xoxo

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