I am ready…

Sitting here at my desk… listening to videos by Alicia Anabel… there is something about this woman that moves me… she is working on a Memoir of her life… a letter of sorts… to her daughter… I have only heard excerpts… but it has me wanting more…

We are all on a journey… we don’t necessarily have a destination… and maybe there is something in the unknown that makes the journey that much more intriguing…

I am craving a writing space… somewhere I can sit in silence… and tap into the parts of me that are… and have been closed off… even to me…

I started to wonder recently about things I may have possibly blocked out… things so traumatic that my mind took over… and decided I never needed to know of them… If there are any such memories… I want them back… I am almost positive that there are some… because I can hardly remember the “good” ones… and I use the word good very lightly…

I need to process my past… put it on paper… express the many unfelt emotions I feel… I need to feel… I need to cry… I need to release… express my disappointment… my anger… my frustration… my resentment… my heartache… my sense of never being enough… I need to put it out there… I need to let it go…

Funny how those unprocessed feelings can follow you around for your entire life… they find their way into your relationships… into daily situations… cause you to become defensive… to attack others… to harbor feelings of resentment… about things that don’t even matter…

HOLDING…

HARBORING…

Take up so much space… so much of your soul… I don’t want that anymore….

I am tired…

I want my soul to know peace…

I see people sometimes… and they just have this glow about them… almost as if you can see the lightness of their spirit… even in their stride… seems as if they are floating… they are not weighed down by all the crap… the unprocessed crap…

I want to float…

I want to glide…

I am ready…

Vanessa xoxo

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