empty stomach, full brain.

I always struggle with how much of what is on my mind I should reveal on here.  This blog has served as my safe place on many lonely nights, but sometimes I post just to vent at the risk of sounding like I am whining.  I don’t want to be perceived that way.  A whiner.

Things are extremely hectic right now.  My brain is going constantly, every waking moment.  It’s particularly exhausting.  I know I’m a survivor, but I’m fucking tired.  I feel like the last one in the race carrying a bag of bricks cinder blocks.  OVER IT!

I am on day 2 of this cleanse and my brain feels extra incapable of handling my rigorous obsessive compulsive thinking.

My daughter is what keeps me going, her needs… the things she deserves.  I can’t fail.  I can’t stop.  I can’t throw my hands up and say FUCK IT!  I can’t.  She needs me.  But that doesn’t change the fact that I completely and totally losing my mind simply trying to keep it all together.

I am trying to maintain an acceptable level of sanity (what’s acceptable is debatable in NY).  Finances are one of those things though… they can really fuck with you mentally.  And they are.  Fucking with me.

I wonder if it would be bad to put some vodka in this Master Cleanse shit.

Vanessa xoxo

  1. Lol. You don’t sound like a whiner. You sound like someone who needs to unload. And what better place to do it? Why not?? It’s nice to get shit off your chest. And it’s nice for us readers to know that we aren’t the only ones who feel like we are coming unglued!
    I know what you mean about how much discretion to use when posting. I struggle with that every post. It almost feels like I am editing my life for content. And the funny thing is I post with anonymity, as much as anyone can. So why do I feel the need to be cautious? Let’s just say rough lessons learned the hard way. Be free, but protect your ass – always!

    • I am glad my words dont come across as whining…that would be tragic! =) thank you for reading my rant… its hunger induced! appreciate the feedback! I know im not alone!

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