The spot at the end of the hall…

This weekend I visited the most painful and beautiful place from my past
It’s where I spent the most tender years of my youth
My home from the ages of 4-12
It was both hell and heaven
I knocked on the door
Felt strange knocking
I felt violated
Who was in my house?
In my bedroom
Did they know what the VV & KH carvings in the radiator stood for?
Did they know that my dad died right there on the floor between the kitchen and bathroom?
I wanted so badly to go in
And sit in that spot
Kiss the floor
Just lay there and cry
He opened the door just enough to poke his head out
I explained to him
That this was my place
And it would mean the world for me to come in
And just take a peek
He seem confused and unaffected by my emotion and hand gestures to my heart
I repeated myself
He stared at me trying to find the words to tell me no
He said perhaps another time
I asked him to take my number
He went to get a pen
And when he came back
The door opened wide
I could see the spot at the end of the hall…
The hall I had spent years running up and down
My mom yelling at me to stop
The dog chasing me
Kim slipping in a puddle of dog pee as she skipped…
Pretending to be the pope with a white sheet draped around her
At the end of that hall…
Is where my dad took his last breath…
Alone…
Probably scared…
And wondering if that is how he would die…
It was…
I said my number…
I knew he wouldn’t call…
So I stared at the spot…
At the end of the hall…
It seemed so far…
I wanted so badly to go in
And sit in that spot
Kiss the floor
Just lay there and cry

 

I wrote this a several months ago…but felt compelled to post something for my dad today… I love you papi..Happy Fathers Day!
Your Babygirl…
Forever and always…
Vanessa

Vanessa xoxo

  1. Tomboy Tigress

    “Grieve not, for everything we love, comes around to us in another form”-Rumi

    That’s one of my favorite quotes, and I believe it wholeheartedly. This piece is a beautiful, emotional ode to your father…all I can say is thank you for sharing it.

  2. A heart wrenching moment captured so well, and descriptive, so much so that I followed every written detail. I enjoyed being privy to this.

  3. Beautiful, to say the least..

  4. Incredible. You pump emotions with so few words. I am deeply moved by this one.

  5. Gut wrenching, heart breaking beautifully written piece!!! (wait does that make sense?)
    ohh the emotions!! thanks for sharing!!!

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